I have once again become a time bender - a fantastical slower-er and speeder upper of time. Hopping in between now and then and what could have been.

Some call this meditation, others call it daydreaming, I call it sweet surrender.

When it’s feeling romantic, it looks like super soft dog cuddles, endless orgasms, and sips of just right coffee that last longer than they should.

The environment wanes and waxes around me, and I become the sole witness of the multitude of miracles I’m floating in the middle of.

Perhaps it’s the fantasy novels or the trippy new show on amazon, but I’m enjoying this brave new world. Making time slow at my will, savoring many delicious moments, knowing all too well they are finite when they want to be. 

The downfall of this power is the slipping and sliding into the could have been.
The timelines extinguished in a flatline. 

I’m too damn good at compartmentalizing. 

Even that word makes my tongue surrender into tight, orderly sounds. 

Compartmentalizing -

Tucking these possibilities in distinguished little plots, arranging my memories in complex codices that take perfect conditions to unlock. 

Maybe I first learned it when I was 5 and turned my closet into a magic elevator. I created buttons on the wall in oily pastel, and my mom never got mad, only smiled.

She had been to these faraway lands, too, it seemed. 

Maybe I discovered it in that closet, where I left my various daily duties of a five-year-old and became anyone and everyone I dreamed I could be. With a few tippy-taps of a pastel button, I could shut this realm off for a moment and be somewhere else that was full of wonder. 

Harry Potter, do I blame you for this? 

Brothers Grimm, was it you? 

Things are not so different now, it seems.

Rekindling what’s old, making it new.

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With Love,

Rohini